


Waves

by Cuthwyn



Series: Joyfire Week 2017 [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Apathy, F/M, M/M, Recovery is a long journey, fun at the beach ... sorta, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-12-15 20:18:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11813457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cuthwyn/pseuds/Cuthwyn
Summary: Jason is going through a spell of apathy.He's uninterested and just down right flat mood is cause for concern for Roy and Kori.It's as if Jason isn't there and all that remains is a shell of a young man.Sometimes you just want to wash it all away beneath the waves.Joyfire Week: Day 1: Identity Shenanigans





	Waves

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm having a bash at Joyfire Week. It is also the last week of my 2nd year in nursing school so this may be interesting (and some late submissions!)
> 
> On that note apologies for mistakes, I have had little time to proof read properly and will go back over it ... soon?
> 
> Yeah... if done my usual and twisted the prompt a little for a different take on it.

Roy could definitely get used to this.  
His brain was slowly deciding it was time to wake up and seize the day but his body was yet to agree. Grumbling incoherently to himself, Roy rolled over and snuggled further beneath the warm blankets, pressing himself up close to the warm body next to his. Yes, Roy could definitely get used to waking up with Kori next to him every morning.  
She didn't smell right when he buried his nose into the crook of her neck, but she smelled good all the same so he just ignored the oddity and continued to nuzzle and kiss the soft skin lazily. Somewhere a little voice pointed out that although Kori felt like she was facing him, there was a distinct lack of breasts when he pulled her closer to him.  
Something hard was prodding him, but again Roy chose to ignore it. Instead, revelling in the soft breaths that sharpened when his hand lowered to rest against her ass.  
His fingers brushed over the waistband and continued down, was Kori wearing his boxer shorts?  
Kori chuckled softly, the sound dancing over to him like a nymph, from behind.

Frowning, Roy stopped kissing her neck and cracked open his eyes to be met with a very large Adam's apple for a woman. Oh no, not again?  
He slowly lifted his gaze to see Jason blinking down at him owlishly.  
‘Oh, aren't you two the cutest!’  
Swallowing thickly, Roy peered over his shoulder to see Kori lounging on her own pillow, hair displayed like a sleep tousled halo with the blankets shucked down to only just keep herself covered.  
‘Jay?’ Roy rasped, sleep still not quite loosening its grip on him. Rolling back over he watched Jason blink back at him, chapped lips slightly parted as if wanting to say something but not quite knowing what. Roy’s lips tugged up into a smile and lifted his hand to stroke the younger man’s cheek, watching Jason tense, his breaths sharpening before slowly he relaxed and blinked back at him blankly. ‘Waking up next to you is becoming a habit Jaybird.’  
Roy meant it to be flirtatious. In his imagination, Jason smiled languidly as Roy reached up to kiss his lips, his hands retracing their steps to his ass. Morning sex was Roy's favourite sex and the thought of having Jason and Kori was immensely satisfying, even if it probably was a little greedy.  
Imagination Jason was different to the real Jason though. The real Jason's eyes widened slightly before he ducked his head down in shame and pulled away from Roy's touch not towards it.  
‘ ‘m sorry.’ Jason mumbled, his cheeks tinging red as he slipped out of bed and practically jogged out of the room. ‘I’ll go make breakfast. I'm sorry.’

Roy watched dumbly as his friend left the bedroom as of it were on fire, realising how his words had been misinterpreted. Hindsight was a heartless bitch.  
‘He came in here again.’ He found himself mumbling, lying back when Kory snuck her arm around his waist and kissed him softly. ‘I didn't hear him come in.’  
Pulling away, Kori shook her head and rested it on Roy's shoulder, fingers tracing random patterns along his chest.  
‘Hmm, he is like a bed ninja.’  
Roy chuckled at this and leant across to kiss Kori’s cheek. She wasn't wrong. Jason was quite adept at sneaking into their bed in the dead of night without so much as creak of a floorboard to rouse his friends from slumber. It wasn't the first time he had molested Jason thinking him to be Kori. What confused him, was that although he didn't mind, Jason obviously did, yet Jason always just lay there and let Roy touch him. He allowed lips to trail across what ever body part was in reach. He only ever pushed Roy away when Roy woke up. 

‘Did he do it when it was just you and him? Before you two parted ways?’ Kori asked, dragging Roy out of his thoughts.  
Frowning, Roy hummed and stared up at the ceiling, thinking back to the brief time Jason had been with him, before the whole difference of opinion over the unstable country being a bad idea thing.  
‘Yeah. Didn't mistake him for you then. He just was, there, when I woke up. Fuck knows why?’  
‘It must be lonely. In bed on his own when he has a bad dream. Frightening even.’ Kori mused, more to herself than Roy as she got up out of bed and pulled on her robe. ‘We must be careful. If we take the bull in the China shop, Jason will push us away not come closer. Maybe we should give him a Jason Day? We could do all the things he likes?’  
‘It's taking the bull by the horns, Kor. Not a bad idea though.’ Roy replied. It did seem like a good idea, it might give Jaybird his spark back to enjoy all the things he liked.

Jason hadn't started breakfast. He'd obviously showered and got dressed during the time Kori and Roy had been in the bedroom, and had probably taken his meds. Kori leant against the kitchen door and watched him curiously. Jason was stood in front of the open utensils draw, obviously wanting to take something out. Instead though, he was stood staring at it. His body tense, except for the wrist that he was circling and shaking slightly as if to get rid of something. Pursing her lips, Kori knew what and wordlessly stepped up behind her friend. Placing her hand on the arm he was shaking, she concentrated her energy there, so it burnt but wouldn't harm.  
Jason's eyes closed and he let out a shuddering breath at the pain before falling back against her.  
‘Thank you.’  
He breathed as the heat retreated from his arm and Kori kissed his temple softly.  
Shushing him, Kori wrapped her arms around him. No words were needed. The pair just stood there for a moment, gently rocking in the silence of the morning, lost in their own thoughts.

The sound of the draw closing broke the spell Kori had cast and she lifted her head to smile at Roy, loosening her grip as Jason pulled away and stumbled off to set up the coffee machine.  
‘S-sorry. Just- gimme a minute and I'll -‘  
A calloused hand took hold of his and Jason blinked down at it in confusion.  
‘Hush Jaybird. Let me do it. How about chocolate chip pancakes this morning?’ Roy asked, titling his head slightly when Jason's confusion grew and the younger man shook his head.  
‘Chocolate chip pancakes?’  
‘Yeah, just how you like ‘em!’ Roy replied with a toothy grin. He expected at least an attempt of a smile but Jason just nodded slightly and moved away to go sit at the kitchen table. If he didn't know better, Roy would have said he looked a little queasy at the mention of his favourite breakfast.  
‘Oh. Okay. Thank you.’ Jason said, not looking up from picking at his fingernails.  
Kori and Roy exchanged concerned glances.

The day trundled on pretty much the same. Both Roy and Kori wracked their brains for things that Jason liked, trying their best to create his perfect day. Each and every time though, Jason would just blink in apparent confusion before accepting what was offered with a quiet ‘thank you.’  
Roy remembered how much Jason had liked baseball, how the kid’s face lit up, how he whooped and cheered for the Gotham Knights uncaring how ridiculous he looked. That afternoon though, Jason seemed more engrossed in staring off into space than watching the game Roy had spent a good hour trying to stream.  
It wasn't a depression.  
Depression had something there, a negative thought process, emotion, just … something. This was nothing. This was apathy.  
Jason was just going through the motions. He functioned on a very basic level. He woke up, got washed and dressed, took his meds, ate three meals then went to bed. He was doing the required steps to keep himself alive and nothing more.

Kori sat next to Jason on the couch and gave him a welcoming smile, he blinked back blankly before going back to flicking through the pages of his book, but not really reading it.  
‘Roy's making chilli dogs for dinner, then afterwards, I have acquired some neopolitian ice cream?’  
There was no response to the offering of his favourite food and Kori frowned slightly.  
‘Neopolitan ice cream? You always said you couldn't make your mind up which flavour was your favourite? Vanilla, chocolate or strawberry? So why not have all three?’  
‘Only Dick knows that.’ Jason commented, tears brimming in his eyes before disappearing again. ‘Thank you but I'm not hungry. I, I think I might go for a walk. Yes, a walk. See you guys later yeah?’  
Kori watched in a stunned silence. Jason had picked up on her slip up of mentioning something only Dick, the person she claimed to not remember, knew about. Yet he hadn't noticed this, hadn't questioned it. Jason hated lying and usually grabbed hold of finding out the truth like a drowning man would grab hold of a branch.

‘Where's Jaybird gone?’ Roy piped up, sauntering into the living room wiping his hands on a tea towel. Sighing, Kori shook her head and drew her knees up into herself.  
‘For a walk. I do not know what ails him? None of the things we know Jason likes have worked? Maybe, maybe we should ask if he would like to go back?’  
‘Back?’ Tossing the tea towel onto his shoulder, Roy crossed his arms and shook his head. ‘Back where? To Arkham?’  
Nodding, Kori wiped at the tears in her eyes.  
‘Kori no!’  
‘Why not? Think about it Roy? It is- it is as if only his body has left.’  
Roy opened his mouth to argue back until the puzzle pieces started to fall into place.  
Kori was right! Jason was still in Arkham. Of course he hadn't enjoyed his day all about him because Jason didn't know who he was anymore. Whilst being so unwell, somewhere along the lines he had lost his identity, his origin, who he was.  
Inhaling sharply, Roy rushed over to the door and slipped on his flip flops.  
‘Where are you going?’  
‘I know what's wrong with our Jaybird, Princess! I can't believe I didn't see it before!’  
He didn't wait for a reply. Throwing open the door he jogged out into the evening sun to find Jason before he did something stupid.

The sun had long set and it was as if Jason had vanished into thin air, again. Roy had torn the entire island apart trying to find him, his heart breaking as his mind threw up endless pictures of how Jason could harm himself. Scrambling over logs and rocks, dashing across sand, Roy just couldn't give up on someone he loved. Frowning, Roy slowed his pace as he reached the other side of the island. He loved Jason. The statement stunned him for a moment and Roy leant against a palm tree to catch his breath. Not because of his gender, Roy had barely left his teens when he'd made peace with his sexuality. It was the realisation that he loved two people at the same time, after all the flack he'd given Dick he felt just a little hypocritical. Why was nothing ever simple?

‘Jason, please, for the love of God show yourself!’ Roy spat under his breath as he pushed away from the tree. It was as if Jason was magic, for no sooner had Roy rounded a set of rock pools, he finally spotted a set of foot prints leading to a Jason shaped figure sat on the beach.  
Edging closer, Roy's brow furrowed and he quickened his pace. Jason wasn't sat staring out at the ocean like most people did, he was staring at the sand.  
‘Jaybird?’ Roy called out warily, not entirely convinced on his friends mental state. ‘Buddy? What you doing?’  
Jason didn't react at first and Roy’s heart clenched in worry until finally, Jason looked over at him before returning to staring at the sand.  
‘Nothing. Just thinking is all.’  
Swallowing thickly, Roy slowly made his way over and saw what Jason was staring at, the numbers 357928 was scrawled in the sand. Sitting down next to his friend, Roy flicked his eyes up at him and gave him a half smile.  
‘Don't tell me you managed to get a chicks number out here Dude!’

For the first time since forever, Jason's lips quirked upwards slightly and he shook his head with a heavy sigh.  
‘Nah, not interested in random chicks, even if they still will do anything for a piece of this.’ Jason shot back, grabbing hold of his crotch and thrusting forwards slightly to emphasise his point. Yeah, Jason and social skills still didn't quite see eye to eye. Chuckling, Roy shook his head and punched him lightly on the shoulder.  
‘Quit it Jaybird you're gonna scare the palm trees!’ He teased lightly, before looking back at the random numbers. ‘So if you haven't pulled, what is this?’  
The slight amusement in Jason's eyes flickered out and he leant forwards, tracing his finger over the numbers.  
‘It's my number.’  
‘From Arkham?’ Roy asked the obvious, observing how Jason smiled and looked out at the sea in a very melancholy fashion.  
‘Yeah, from Arkham. I guess it's become a habit? Coming out here, writing my number in the sand and waiting for the tide to come and-‘ trailing off, Jason sucked in his bottom lips and ducked his head down into his chest.

‘And what Jaybird?’ Roy pressed, eyes searching his friend’s expressionless face in concern, praying that the reason Jason was waiting for the tide to come in wasn't what he thought it was. That when the water levels rose, his Jaybird would disappear beneath the waves. Jason sucked on his lip and looked out at the waves creeping closer as time dragged on.  
‘I dunno.’ It was more of a sigh than anything else. ‘I dunno. I guess, guess that just sums everything up. I just dunno.’  
Roy inched closer, watching how Jason let out a shuddering breath and rubbed at watery eyes. Taking a deep breath he reached out and took hold of his hand. A small gasp left Jason's lips and he glanced down at Roy's hand before looking up at him with a small shake of his head.  
‘I dunno who I am Harper?’ He finally managed to croak out, tears finally falling onto his cheeks. ‘Like I tried okay? You and Kori, all that stuff today? It- that's who I was before- before-‘ Taking a deep stuttering breath, Jason closed his eyes tightly. ‘I'm not him anymore! I just - I can't be. I can't be the kid I was. It hurts Harper.’  
‘Jaybird you're-‘  
‘No! Please I can't be that kid anymore, but I'm not the guy who came back. I don't wanna be him either, he frightens me. That time frightens me Roy you don't understand!’ Jason yelled, pulling his hand free to form fists at his side he glared over at the numbers in the sand. ‘Those six numbers? That's all I am. All I got. The sea washes that damn number away but not really. It's still there because what else have I got? Nothing. Nothing but six fucking numbers to identify me. There is no me anymore.’

Roy sat and watched silently as Jason just crumbled, the facade he'd put up all these months cracking and falling apart in enough tears to wash those numbers away without any need for the sea.  
‘I do understand.’ He croaked, crawling closer to Jason's number, the feeling of bugs crawling branch his skin making him shudder in disgust. Slowly, he drew six more numbers beneath Jason's, before falling back onto his haunches and staring at them. ‘You're not the only person with a number Jason. So don't tell me I don't fucking understand what being lost feels like.’  
Sniffing, Jason shook his head and blinked through teary eyelashes at the number beneath his own.  
‘You're not the only one who has a past they wish they could just wash away. That's what it is though Jaybird. The past. You gotta stop living in it.’  
‘Oh and what? Just get over it?’ Jason scoffed, glaring when Roy scowled and turned to tell the idiot a few home truths. 

‘No. Roy does not mean that. You know that Jay, stop deflecting.’ Kori’s voice broke through the tense silence as she approached the pair sat in the sand. Kneeling down next to them she drew a row of four symbols beneath Roy’s with a melancholy smile.  
‘That's Roy’s number from rehab. This is my number from when they experimented on me. A few numbers, but to the bearer they mean so much. To wash them away would be to forget how you began and who you become.’  
‘Princess-‘ Jason began, reaching to wrap an arm around her but Kori lifted a hand and shook her head.  
‘The past happened. We can not change it, but it is how we become who we are today. In the present. We are in the present, me and Roy. You are our friend and if that's all you are then start there. Start there and we’ll find out the rest together.’

A small mischievous smile tugged at her lips and without a further word, Kori rose to her feet and dipped her hands in the water. Both Roy and Jason watched her with blank expressions until a mini tidal wave hit them both square in the face. Shouting in surprise, Jason raised his hands to try and shield himself from the onslaught only to get s splashed from the side by Roy.  
‘Urgh, quit it Harper!’ Jason griped, shaking droplets of sea water from his bangs only to get another face full.  
‘Make me Jaybird!’ Roy cackled, before leaping to his feet and darting into the sea after Kori, splashing water back at a fuming Jason as he went.  
‘Stop it!’  
‘Make me Jaybird!’  
Was Roy's only reply.  
Growling, Jason was up on his feet and charging after his friends like a bull to a red flag. Dipping his own hands beneath the waves to send water projectiles of his own. The smallest, tiniest smile tugging at his lips when his friends shrieked and ducked away. 

The tide came in, washing away the numbers on the beach.  
For once, Jason didn't notice.  
He was too busy rugby tackling Roy beneath the waves, laughing when Kori poured salt water on top of his head.


End file.
